Chaos Theory

I spent a large portion of my childhood trying to make sure that everyone in the family was happy. Or at least it feels that way sometimes. Can’t spend too much time with dad, mom gets hurt. Dad gets annoyed because we want to be with mom for the weekend. Mom gets upset because all she wants for Christmas is everyone to be together (difficult to manage with 2 kids, 2 step kids, 2 sons in law, 3 step grandchildren, jobs, life, and oh yeah dad’s family too). I frequently felt like I had two adding machines in my head that had to have an equal total at all times.

As I have gotten older, that feeling of making sure everyone is happy hasn’t gone away. My mother, however, has taken a different, passive aggressive approach, now telling me that “I pull this crap every year and she’s tired of it”. No, I don’t pull this crap every year. I feel this way every year, have ever since I was about seven. Holidays, Graduations, Birthdays, you name it. Continue reading