News of the Day for April 24, 2008

There is currently not one but two wars going on, a presidential election coming up, a country that is in the midst of a recession, and these are the three things that I found in the news today:

1. Smurfs are three apples tall, yet they live in mushrooms.  What’s up with that?

2. Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men’s penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.  I think that my brother speaks for all men with his reaction to the article: “If some ugly witch tried to juggle my junk I’m sure I’d shrink a little too.”

3. This is just the greatest job.  No one is going to be able to retire and quit working altogether, so this is the perfect job for those post-retirement years!  Hourly, plus expenses!!!  If this is what they do in London, I’m all in!