Ripped from the Headlines . . . Copied from the Internet–Same Thing

Here’s part two of the tabs I’ve had open for a week or more sharing bizarre and weird information that passes for noteworthy in today’s society. (I suppose I’m a part of that, seeing as how I actually READ this stuff, but there you go….)

  • Evidently the key to winning Rock, Paper, Scissors is to not know which of the three you’re going to throw until the final nanosecond, as subtle arm cues can let your opponent know which of the three you are about to play. That philosophy is what led this guy to win a $20,000 scholarship to Syracuse.  And for the record, paper won.  My question, does the same hold for Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock?
  • When I was in college there was a guy named Lee that I knew from BSU that got two speeding tickets in one day, at the same location, from the same cop, while driving to and from home to see his father on Father’s Day.  I think this lady finally has him beat.  First she was arrested for trying to drive out of a ditch, wearing only one shoe and with a blood-alcohol level of 0.21, about 2.5 times the legal limit. The next day she was arrested after her car got stuck in snow in a park campground that was closed for the winter. The woman told an officer she had had four or six cups of wine and concluded with the statement, “I am still finishing up the box of wine in my car from yesterday.” (Yes, there was a box of Black Fox wine in the car. I’ve never heard of the stuff.  She then spent 12 hours in jail before being let go, upon which she headed west before being arrested a short time later after someone reported her driving “all over the road,” according to a police report. An officer found a partial bottle of wine in her car. She had a blood alcohol-level of 0.16.  She is in jail for the next 30 days.
  • Just imagine if that lady had the same problem as this guy.  Due to a sneezing fit he ran a stop sign and realized too late that he was headed for a home.  Plowed right into theODD Bar Stool DUI sucker.  Fortunately, he wasn’t given a ticket and the only casualties were the home’s bathtub.
  • When I heard that someone had been arrested for drunk driving while on a bar stool I thought it was a gimmick.  Seriously.  Someone too schnockered to even pick up the bar tab, something like that.  Nope, he disassembled a riding lawn mower and now has a motorized bar stool.  Have to admit, kinda thought it was cool.  Can even do up to 38 MPH.  No excuse for driving after consuming 15 beers, but there you go.
  • You know, I know there are all kinds of things that go on in prison that I don’t have any desire to be aware of.  I think this might be one of those things.  Would you really want to eat snack sausage that some nitwit had tried to heat up in his toilet, which then of course smoked out?  Ugh.  Gross.
  • Speaking of incarcerated nitwits, how about this guy.  He managed to get out, but then was arrested as he tried to break back INTO the prison which he had already fled from.  He gives new meaning to the phrase “stepping out for a smoke”, seeing as how he robbed a convenience store for 14 packs of cigarettes prior to trying to sneak back in through the yard gate.  Is it just me or are criminals really some of the stupidest people on this planet?
  • I periodically wrestle with an identity crisis, trying to figure out what I want to do, who I am, etc.  How about this woman though?  Fifteen years she’s been known only as Jane Doe, mainly because she and her daughter were fighting and there was no one to identify her.  Found wandering aimlessly around the mall in 1994, she has now been identified with the assistance of the Colombian authorities and the New Jersey Department of Human Services.
  • I know we call it “snail mail” these days, but honestly I think a snail would have delivered this letter faster than the postal service did.  Forty-seven years to get from Montana to Ohio, even for the USPS that’s pretty bad.  And both the parties were deceased at the time of delivery.
  • I will be the first to admit that I rarely drink and have never tried illegal drugs.  I’m sorry if that makes me sound like a snob, but there you have it.  I’ve had ample opportunity and multiple offerings over the years, but it just doesn’t interest me.  That being said, there really is quite a bit of creativity among that culture, especially when it comes to making bongs.  This is the first instance I’ve ever heard of including a living creature, though.  A Nebraska guy was annoyed with his six month old cat and was trying to calm her down, so he stuffed her into a 12×6 Plexiglas box that had been duct-taped together and had a piece of a garden hose attached.  He was caught smoking with the cat inside the contraption.  The cat is fine, though she did appear to be in a bit of a stupor during her trip to the police station.ODD Bodacious Ballpark Burger
  • A few days ago I posted about the hamburger from the Michigan ball park that was as big as your head.  Evidently now a vegan group wants a warning label to be slapped on the thing, stating that it is bad for your health.  I’m sorry, but if you’re about to order a 4500 calorie burger that has five beef patties in it, you usually have a general idea that IT’S NOT GOING TO BE HEALTHY!  In fact, that’s even part of the advertising campaign for it!

Those are the ten for today.  Have a great week, and I’ll post more later!

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