Why do people misbehave?

As I write this, it’s 215 in the morning. I have just returned from a friend’s house. I had not planned to go out this evening, I was all set for bed when she called around 11 all upset. She was having trouble speaking so I offered to go over, and she said yes so out the door I flew.

I’ve had a rough week. I’ve had a rough month, actually, which is part of the reason why I’ve been so silent on here. I have missed having her to talk to (she used to live next door), so I was upset myself knowing that she was so distraught.

Earlier this week, she met with a friend. She has known this person for about five years, met in a chat room online.  Talked to him just about every day. Now understand that my friend is married, this guy is married, they’ve talked to the respective spouses even. They have talked online and on the phone most of the time, but a few months ago they met in person. For coffee, in public, with spousal permission. It wasn’t like she was sneaking around, it was meeting someone that hubby knew and liked for coffee in public. Went well, so they did it again a few weeks later.

Now my friend isn’t in the best of health. She has a few issues that keep her at home in pain. So when this guy said he was coming to town for work and wanted to have coffee again she talked to her husband and invited him to her home so she wouldn’t have to leave.

Things were fine, there was casual conversation. How’s your husband? Fine. How’s your wife’s cancer treatment going? Fine. And so on. And then, suddenly, he attacked her. He did not rape her, but it was close. Due to past history she mentally blanked out a bit and when she came to she saw him walking down the hall towards the bathroom with no pants on. And she, justifiably, freaked out. He immediately left and she hasn’t heard from him since.

This happened THREE FREAKIN’ DAYS AGO! And she is just now telling anyone. She told her husband last night–she couldn’t even tell him she was so upset. And I get that, I do. But he is a great guy and he has not been mad at her or judged her or done anything to make her feel like it was her fault.

She, unfortunately, is blaming herself quite harshly. She is replaying every conversation that they have had over the phone, internet, and in person to see if there is any way she could have misled him or made him feel like this was something that she would be okay with. I know my friend. Trust me, there is no way he could have gotten that vibe. She is not that kind of person.

I just don’t understand. Why would someone that you feel safe with, someone that you trust and that you feel comfortable with, all of a sudden feel like it is permissible to sexually attack you? What gives this man the right to try and dominate and possess her in this manner? What makes him feel like there is something that is normal about this behavior?

He did call after he left. She didn’t answer the phone. He left a message that said “you seemed upset” and he was calling to make sure all was okay. HELLO?!?! Are you kidding me?

And now my friend is terrified to be in her own home. She doesn’t like to be alone, the sound of a door slamming in the building freaks her out, and when the dogs bark she comes out of her skin.

I just don’t understand what would make a guy do such a thing. What would make any individual do this. I know I am naive in some ways, but that just makes me lose faith in the human species.

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