Seriously. I did. For years. And in the ID holder I usually had a credit card, license, $20 bill (because you know back then it would pay for either a tank of gas or a heck of a good time at the local watering hole instead of 2 gallons and a drink at happy hour like it does now), and maybe even a tube of lipstick. Now? I carry a mom bag, and I’M NOT EVEN A MOM.
Why, you ask, am I now concerned with the matronly state of my handbag? Because its contents is the subject of today’s
10 THINGS FOUND IN MY PURSE
- My purseket. Yes, it always looks like this. Greatest. Invention. Ever. With the exception of my calendar, mini zippered pouch that holds sunscreen, etc., and the inner pocket that holds things to be revealed later on this list the entire contents of my purse are right here. Makes switching handbags a cinch, all you do is lift it out. You can get one at purseket.com. You’re welcome.
- Wine key. Once a server, always a server. Must have the knife attached. Foil cutter is a bonus. Oddly enough, this one makes it through airport security where a traditional twist and pull did not.
- Screwdriver, with lid. Flat or Phillips head. Also made it through airport security.
- My packet that holds all the loyalty rewards cards, punch cards, gift certificates, etc.
- Lighter. I could again claim once a server, always a server, but really this comes more from the days of working at a men’s clothing company. Ties snag. Expensive ties, cheap ties, all ties. If it’s not a tie from the 1980s made from woven cotton, you can burn the ends down and you’ll never notice the snag. The tricky thing is not to burn the tie. Much harder to do with matches than with a lighter. And dangnabbit I just realized it was a blurry photo. Sorry about that.
- Sandalwood fan. From a bridal shower this summer. It was a hot summer, so it’s managed to cop a spot in the purse. Now it’s just funny.
- In addition to the wallet that has all the loyalty cards, I have a keyring that has all the loyalty cards. Seriously, can’t I just show my social security card or something and have them all tied in together? Or better yet, just mark your stuff cheaper to begin with and do away with the program altogether?
- Toothpicks. From my dentist. I beg for these when I go, come in handy for all sorts of things. Tightening the screws on a pair of glasses. Cleaning fingernails. Getting that paperclip out of the computer keyboard. And oh yeah, cleaning your teeth.
- Sunscreen. In mega SPF. Yeah yeah yeah I know anything over 20 is just for show. My pasty white skin doesn’t care. It’ll take the highest SPF I can find. I even have one that says it’s SPF70. Hype? Sure. It worked though.
- My cigar case. Complete with a Cuban woman gracing the cover. It always reminded me of the Land O Lakes butter girl. Why? I don’t know. One is a Native American wearing a headdress. This one is a girl in a flamenco skirt. Maybe she should remind me of the Chiquita Banana woman instead? No, I don’t have cigars inside. No, I’m not showing you what I do. Ladies, you can guess.