The Year I Turn 40

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The Year I Turn 40 Update #1

So.  On January 1 I wrote this, which expressed my desire to be more thrifty.  Here is how I have done in the last ten days:

  • I have not bought a pizza.  It took me forever to finish the leftovers from the one that I bought on New Year Eve (last year–doesn’t count!).  Just about the time I finished, I went out with mom for our should-have-been-on-January-1-but-now-it’s-January-5 movie (Silver Linings Playbook if you’re interested).  She had a Groupon for Extreme Pizza that was about to expire.  I love their salads so I said sure, sounds good.  Only it was good for two side salads and a huge-sized pizza.  Which means that over half of it came home with me.  Tonight I am FINALLY finished eating it.  So I haven’t paid for pizza, but I have eaten a gobsmackingly enormous amount of it.
  • I haven’t cancelled my gym membership yet.  I have, however, had the tab for the gym open on my work computer for a week so that the directions on how to cancel my membership are handy.
  • I have bought milk this week.  No other grocery runs.  I ate out three times, but one of those meals was free so I’m not too concerned about it.  I’m eating out again tomorrow night, but I have a $25 gift certificate.  At home, I’m still eating that pizza for lunch.  I have had butter chicken for a week and a half, I think I have one serving left.  And three nights this week I have had Annie’s Homegrown Shells and Cheese.  So maintaining that 2x a week out thing.  And tired of mac and cheese.  And knowing that somewhere in my future there will probably be a meal of dill pickle spears as I work on cleaning out the fridge.
  • I really need to work on this coping strategy known as avoidance.  I haven’t opened my mail in weeks (months?) and just pay bills as I think of it.  I’m off now to sort through the madness and get all 2012 filed away . . . .  And then probably cry myself to sleep.
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And thus begins the year in which I turn 40….

I am not really a big resolution at January 1 kind of person.  I never have been.  I would make beginning of school year resolutions in September every year, which always seemed more appropriate, but January, to me, has always seemed like mid year.  Mid season, midway, you get the drift.

But for some reason I am having a harder time than normal with the turn of the calendar this year.  I turn 40 in a few months, and yet I feel like I was further ahead in my life when I was 26 or so than I am now.  I made more money, I was in a serious relationship, I had a job that was going places . . . now I have 60% of the salary I had at that age, not adjusting for inflation, I haven’t been on a date in heaven knows how long because it’s just easier that way, and after two years of unemployment I finally have a job I like, only my brain is keeping me from liking it very much lately.  So here are some random thoughts on 2013 and what I think may or may not be able to be done about each of the issues I am currently struggling with in my head. Continue reading →